Monday, September 24, 2007

rental rant #1

Finally, you say, a posting to justify the name of the blog! I'm sure you - all of my vast reading public - have been waiting on pins and needles for some insight into the world of rentals in Longmont, CO. Well, your day has finally come.

First question for you: When did paying rent become optional? How is this not one's FIRST obligation?!!! Mr. 'I-can't-pay-my-rent' tells me he has no money this month as he's sitting on his rear watching 'platinum' cable programming on his 55" TV. He's talking on his cell phone, there's a big trampoline in the backyard, and evidence of many, many cases of Bud that . Hummm. I have basic cable, and in the past somehow always managed to pay my rent while going to school and earning my rock-and-roll-lifestyle wage of $8-10k/year. Ask me if I feel sorry for your mismanagement of funds. Go ahead. I dare you.

Out of the 20 renters past and present that we've had, there have been 7 total deadbeats. The partial deadbeats in there ended up making up their back-rent. Well, except for the 'midnight movers,' but they actually left the place clean, outside of a pot of beans on the stove. I don't really count them in the deadbeat tally.

  • 5 accounts are currently with a collections agency. Only ONE of those is actually making the required payment.

  • 1 we took to small claims court and garnished her wages - that one was GREAT! These tenants had the outside faucet 'magically' leap out of the wall, flooding the basement on the 4th of July for approximately 10 hours. The broken water balloons and balloon-filling attachment on the hose laying in the mud next to the faucet were purely coincidence.

  • The most recent one we evicted and won a judgement, but they bolted the state so now off to collections they go. These would be the same folks who claim they cleaned the place to 'move-in' ready. 'Someone must have came in after us and put a cat in there.' Ahh, yes. The infamous 'poo fairy.' Always running around, leaving presents for unsuspecting landlords. Also, bags and bags of empty aluminum cans are now considered a 'move-in' gift. If you aren't receiving these fine incentives from your current landlord, consider moving to Longmont. We can hook you up.

Contrary to popular rumor, landlords DO actually have live, warm, beating hearts. I can understand a glitch in the funding source. Things out of your control can happen. People fall ill. Even the 'accident' of being arrested and spending some time in the pokey can be an explanation - although I don't personally see that as something outside of your control. But it's your life. So then you make it up. I do NOT understand getting upset with ME because I am enforcing your half of our agreement. You have a roof over your head, it's not my job to pay for it.


Mia said...

WOW the insanity of it all! Do you take a camera with you every time you visit one of your rentals? Oh my. Hopefully the next round of renter will be better.

Anonymous said...

I had a co-worker who lived on a golf course. I told him I thought that would be a very enjoyable place to live. He said that he hates it and it has only served to give him a very dim view of humanity. I smiled inside, I could relate, at which point I offered to sell him a FINE rental property. :-)

Anonymous said...

I don't know why you have a $ sign for the picture. If anything it should be a negative (-$) sign or more appropriatly something that has you banging your head against the wall or standing there in amazement at the poor choices people make.

One of the "mistakes" published by the late night real estate guru program is "letting renters distract from the experience of owning rental property". I think its safe to say we are distracted.

I find it to be an interesting study in extending resources to people who in reality don't deserve them. Sure, there have been some good ones, but its not the good ones that keep you up at night or make you want to send the infamous "Thanks for letting me spend the night cleaning up your pubic hair because you decided to start drinking again and couldn't pay your rent, or stay out of jail, or keep your job".

I feel like George Costanza waiting for these fine specimens of humanity to take Step 9 and start making some amends. I certainly believe that certain renters caried around their guilt in the form of pure fat or actual insanity.

I have some questions for these renters:

Under what rule of civilized human falls kicking in the door and not fixing it, under what edict of decent neighborly behavior falls the drug dealing clause, under what procolmation of healthy living falls letting you cat piss all over the counter where you prepare, dish, and serve your food, under what ideal of being "in the property management business" falls letting your dogs crap all over the carpet because you can't find them a home?

I lived in a damn hallway while going to college, and I guaruntee it wasn't because I was saving up to pay for some renters lazy ass.

Sincerly, a very interested party.